You Don't Understand Me
by Rose-Wisteria
Summary: [SerraErK, a little PrisHeath] Word has the power to break one's heart. If it is someone you love, trapped inside rumors & lies, would you help him or her? A hidden mask covering the truth from within unwrapping a relationship. [One-Shot or Not]


**Note to Readers: **First of all, I do not own Fire Emblem or any of its characters. I needed another break (I know the ones who are awaiting for my other three stories will kill me any second now) and another idea hit me; my mind is a bit fuzzy since it is coming to the end of school. This is another one-shot (or not, you decide). I know you guys really like my one-shots (or not). Anyways, this writing is about Serra and her most inner thoughts after marriage.

**Special Note to Davis3: **If you're reading this, I just like to say that your love triangle inspired me to write a little bit about Priscilla in this writing because it makes lots of sense. Without Priscilla, this might not make lots of sense. Well, after reading lots of authors' stories about Serra/Erk, I decided to mix a bit of each and to extend the way we look at people. Thanks!

* * *

**When: **This takes place a year after Erk and Serra got married. Of course, Serra broke her vow of chastity and got married. And now, she is writing in her journal.

**_You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back._**

**_-Barbara DeAngelis_**

**_You Don't Understand Me_**

**_By Potter29Vo_**

**__**

There is always a time in your life when you know you've gone too far, or when you've done too much. There is always a time when you know you can never go farther than you have. I've been through a lot and no one really understands me. No one.

I am always searching, searching for something to love…something more with life than devotion to Saint Elimine. In our lives, we are always lost at one point or another. I am always lost, though. No one ever helps me.

I have been with Lord Hector and his army for a while now. I was one of the first one in the first place, but no one seems to care. Everyone hates me, everyone thinks I'm annoying and need to be disciplined, especially Oswin. I mean I am who I am. Nothing can be changed.

There were lots of words I hear from people. Loud, annoying, conceded…those horrible adjectives everyone uses to describe me. Every nasty adjective you can think of was used on me. It's always been me. Compare to everyone else, I am a little loud and a little out of place. But that doesn't mean I have no dignity whatsoever and am out of control. Even if I did smile every day, I wasn't happy.

Everyone called me a "Frail Priestess" with such repulsion.

It was a nickname everyone soon gave me. It was a nickname that I even used on myself, but soon I despised it so. I mean I am a frail priestess. I couldn't attack with my staff, could I? When I became a bishop, everyone still called me that. When I call myself that, it hurts on the inside. When everyone calls me that, it really does hurt. Don't get me wrong, in the beginning, it was fine and I thought of it as a cute joke. Everyone was always talking about me, calling me that name, and I thought, for once, I was important. Never in my life was I important.

But I was wrong. Deadly wrong. I always wanted everyone to notice me, and it happened. Everyone did and they always talked about me. Then why am I sad? It's the fact that I was the main attraction to talk about, but they weren't laughing with me…they were laughing at me. They were saying all these mean things about me and how annoying I am and such. They thought I was too dumb or too dense not to hear these comments, but I do noticed things. I do hear things and that's why it hurt so much….

Nonetheless, I was a really good "frail priestess" by the way I continue ignoring everyone's insults and gossips. I never really shouted at anyone for calling me this since Lord Hector (big meanie) does as well. The funny thing is everyone talked about it at dinners when we eat. They must think I am nothing more than thin air as they laughed at my dignity. In every book I read to become a cleric, there is always one person who tries to hide everything to himself or herself. And that "frail" person is me.

Even back home, Lord Uther would often asked, "Serra, are you sure you're really a cleric?" Then, he would laugh as if it was a joke. It was not a joke, it never was. I used this term to show that I cannot fight by myself and always needed protection. It was not an excuse for a laugh. I admitted that I did call myself a "frail priestess" lots of times, but do I truly believe so? The answer was no.

Now it comes back to my army and my friends.

You thought that friends were always there for you? No matter what? Those are not the same friends I had back home or in this army either…

At home, the other clerics and monks were always more quieter than me. They would often give me malicious glances when I shrieked to see a spider on the floor or something. I mean come on. Everyone is afraid of something. In my case, I am afraid of spiders. I can't help it.

Now it comes to my friends in Lord Hector's army. You know the people whom we picked up all over the place to help fight this jerk name Nergal? Yeah, that's them all right. The very people, in which helped Lord Hector and Lord Eliwood fight Nergal, were the very ones that picked on me to the very end. Here's my example:

Me: _Hey. Where are you going? Come on. Over here! Over here! Lord Hector said you have to stay by my side, no matter what, right? I am a sweet, helpless little cleric…you have to protect me!_

This is what I mean when I say I need protection at all times. I used the lines "sweet, helpless little cleric" so he can help me out, but of course, everyone took it the wrong way…

Matthew: _Protect you? But I'm just a thief! I don't get into brawls…_

Smart Matthew, trying to use an excuse not to protect me. He didn't actually say it, but if you hear the way he said it…he was just trying to get away from me. He doesn't want to have to do anything with me. I didn't even want to get near me.

Me: _That's fine! I can heal you if you get hurt! So come on, don't be shy…right over here!_

Of course, I still needed the protection and needed him to help me. So I have to sink so low as to use my own lame excuse so he wouldn't run away from me. This is what hurt me the most…

Matthew: _You know…I've been wondering about this for a while…But…are you really one of Elimine's cleric? Are you sure you're not actually the follower of some dark, evil god?_

I knew he was joking and I would have laughed about it if it didn't hurt so much. I knew this is what everyone feels about me. I am just some talkative cleric who no one likes and a follower to some evil god. How nice. I have feelings too. I am very popular as you can see. There are three types of people in my camp besides me. One is the type who spread the rumors, another is the type that is afraid to stand up and instead go with the flow, and the last type is the neutral type and tries to stay away from both sides. There were always gossips about me in every tent.

Most which are not true! All lies…almost…

This brought to the subject of why I left with Oswin to go with Lord Hector in the first place. You can't believe how many rumors there are dealing with this topic. I mean there are lots of lies going around about this. How do people think of these things??? How do people come up with these things??? I really want to know. So now I am going to get everything straight about that.

First of all, Lord Uther did not send me with Oswin because he was really annoyed at me. Actually, Lord Uther was really fond of me too. And NO, I did not have a relationship with him that sort of way. I am a CLERIC! I already took a vow of chastity to Saint Elimine and I wouldn't break it for him. Also, Lord Uther did not literally "kick" me out of the castle and he did not tell Oswin to watch over me every minute even when I went to the bathroom. Ok, let's not get into that.

Now, let me tell you what really happened. Lord Uther found me looking at some fine jewelry by the cabinets and thought that I had too much free time so he send me to go with Oswin. Simple as that. No shouting. No bashing. No screaming. No killing. No begging. Nothing of that sort. I mean who would think of that???

Despite the rumors going around, that are about me, I am not dense. All my life I have heard bad things about me, even some thrown at me, so I have adjusted my ears to hear only the nicest things. I still hear the bad things but I tend to twist it around a bit to make myself feel better. I had a very bad childhood, and maybe that's the reason why I act so…different or unique.

Why am I always so self-centered? That' what people also called me, but who isn't self-centered. Everyone is self-centered once in a while, whether it is to someone they love or just battling on the battlefield. For me, it is a way to be different than everyone else, be a little unique. And by being a bit unique, everyone started spreading lousy rumors about me.

My past was also in the process of taking away. I mean there is a whole bunch of stories about that too. How my mother didn't want me and just dump me, or my father got drunk and just dump me out of drunkenness. My past is something no one should even know of, then why are they gossiping about this as well. My life is hard already as it is. I even made that stuff up about me being royalty and all that so people would shut up about my parents and how they dump me.

So throughout the journey, I was also claimed to be a lazy selfish cleric who cares for no one but herself. I even heard a rumor that I kissed my jewelry inside my tent when no one is looking and I steal gold from some people in the group when I run out of money myself. Wow, they think I can steal gold? That's Matthew's job. Also, I am obsessed with jewelry. It is a girl's best friend, right? Everyone is obsessed with something!

I also never try to beg Lord Hector for a promotion of any sort. If I did something like that of any sort, I would have done it to Lord Uther, if he were still alive. I believe that Matthew spread that one.

Now let's talk about my mood. Yes, I changed moods a lot. More than I could ever admit. That is true, no rumors about that. I either tend to be really quiet and sad, or really loud and happy. Well, to be honest, I am always sad on the inside. I tried to scream or shout or laugh or even annoy people to hide that sadness. That sadness is always adding up inside me and never lets me go. So when someone pisses me off, I explode. Why? No one likes me; no one tries to know me and reach me out. No one wants to know the real me. Gossips after gossips, lies after lies, I heard enough of that.

I can overreact as well. This is also a consequence of the sadness inside me. I'm not perfect, but if you were in my footsteps, and you hear all these rumors and gossips about you, wouldn't at some point in time you just have to shout at someone? Or try really hard to hide it by acting all dense. Or even try to annoy someone?

Another thing I have to clear up about myself. I broke my vow so I can be with Erk and live for love. No, I did not plan this all out. I did not just make a vow and planned to break it later on when I find the perfect guy. It just sort of happened. I never knew how much he meant to me and how much I meant to him. We just clicked you know.

Here's the most famous and greatest story about Erk and I: Erk was happily in love with Priscilla, and she loves him too like in one of those fairy tales. But then, I just broke them up by being really annoying and really jealous (there might be something about a few bodies, who knows?). Then, Erk was feeling sorry for me so he tried to cheer me up. That's when I used my "body language", and he fell for it. Priscilla is now heartbroken and it's all because of someone like me.

Here's the real story about Erk and I: Priscilla was happily in love with Erk, and he did like her back. So, as you can see, it's a crush…not love. Then, one day he talked to me and we talked all night long. That's when we found out we had feelings for each other, and shared a short kiss. Priscilla was not heartbroken after Erk told her about us.

We love each other. He found the real person to be with in this triangle. He finds me annoying… that's true, but really, he enjoys it in a way. Don't take my word for it. Ask him. That's all there is to it as well. I did not use my "body language" on him. I tend to keep my dignity in one whole piece thank you. I am never going to sink that low as to sell off my body to someone else as well. I did NOT play with his heart or do any of those…stuff…in the bedroom. Lastly, I do not have a bunch of naked drawings of him. Gosh. I love him. Simple as that. Nothing more to say about it.

And yes, I am happy to be with him. I did not take him away from Priscilla as many people have rumored about. If he wanted to be with Priscilla, then I would let him be with Priscilla and left the two alone. If he didn't want to be with me, he has a voice and he can just simply say "no". The important thing is that he wanted to be with me. Priscilla is actually happy for us, too.

Ever in view of the fact that Erk and I have found a relationship between each other, there is never a day in which someone didn't give us a nasty glance of some sort. Also, someone would gossip or spread some kind of rumor about us. They always called me a slut or a player or something like that. You call an innocent pink-hair cleric, who never wore a short skirt like those Pegasus knights (not that I am trying to spread any rumors myself) or revealing shirt in her life, a slut??? Ok, if I am such a slut…then why have I never dated a guy before Erk?

Since I am in the mood to keep on talking, I will add more things to this list as well. I did not sleep with guys. I don't know who spread that rumor, but I did not sleep with any guys. Do I have to say it again? I am a cleric! I can't sleep with guys! Believe me…I heard those rumors…and so does Erk…

Let's see whose on the list. There's Oswin. I mean he is in his thirties for Elimine's sake! There's Hector. He's a lord; he has his dignity as well. Matthew…this is just not right, he loves Leila. Lucius as well. I mean, he is a monk and he took that vow as well. Lastly, Sain. SAIN??? You can't believe how much I heard that one before. All of that is just wrong in many ways.

There's even this one time about Florina and I. I am not going to even explain what's wrong about that one.

Since I am on a roll, let's talk about Priscilla. She is one of my closest friends that actually does not spread any rumors about me. We are friends. That's all. We do not hate each other or have fights over Erk either. And when I'm talking about fights, I mean catfights. The most famous rumor is how Priscilla set my hair on fire and how I changed her hair color into green. That's a funny one.

Yes, it's true. Priscilla used to be in love with Erk, but she is with a better guy now. That guy is Heath. So taking it from me, both of us move on to better things now. We are very busy to have catfights.

Thankfully, Erk and I ignored all those rumors and all those gossiping. All we need is each other and nothing else. I don't belong in a chapel all my life, so we moved out and lived together happily from those rumors. The chapel is not where I belong at all. I don't belong there since I must have broken a million rules by now on this journey. Here are some of the rules:

No Kissing- Guilty, I share ONE kiss with Erk. Only ONE.

No Liking the Opposite Sex- I'm married, so I'm really guilty.

No Killing- I don't kill people with my staff, unlike what some rumors said, but I did kill a couple of morphs when I changed class.

No Shouting- I'm really surprised they didn't kick me out after that one time with the spider.

No Sneaking Out without Permission- How do I look at jewelry near the cabinets without sneaking out? I mean I couldn't just magically appear there, can I?

No Interaction with the Opposite Sex- Let's see…I accidentally bump into Sain once…I must be guilty!

No Annoying Married Clerics ALLOWED.

Ok, I made that rule up, but seriously it is true. They probably don't want me back anyway, so what's the point. Erk and I had been through a lot as you can see. We've been through a lot from escorting me back to Ostia to kicking Nergal's sorry ass. So tell me one thing why we shouldn't be together? My vow? Lots of people break their vows; I even caught a cleric one night sneaked out to see a monk. Not everyone keep their promises or their vows, but the most important thing is why you broke it.

How many times in your life do you have the chance to love someone? And I don't mean just any kind of love, not the ones you just have for someone for a day or so, but the kind of love that means I am forever yours. The kind of love that you don't have to think about, you just know you love that person to the bitter end. Maybe that's the same love Priscilla sees in Heath now. I learn that love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves.

Sometimes I question if the word "love" is even the right word to describe us. I feel his heartbeat against my head; I feel his soul whenever I sleep. It was more than just love. It was as if we were meant to be together from the start, even before we even meet. Now, if you're reading this, you must think…this doesn't sound like the Serra I know…well, it's because love changes people. I am still annoying. I am still loud. I still love jewelry and gold and Saint Elimine. But now, I have him by my side. This is what counts.

No one understands me. But that does not matter because I have _him_.

**Note to Readers**: I got another one done! I really need to think on this one, and maybe this is why my head hurts so much. Anyways, I've been thinking (lol). Since this was one interesting piece of writing I did, it would be fun to do the other characters, as well, to see their most inner thoughts and how they feel about their stay with Lord Hector's army. I thought of this halfway through with this. I mean I could do all of them and it doesn't have to be rumors either (like Hector and his reckless attitude, like Lyndis and her tomboy attitude, etc). So if you could convince me, I can make this a one-shot or not. Thanks! Love you all and I appreciated it. R & R, please?


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